Progress

So today I was searching for something on my computer with google desktop search(awesome btw) and it brought up some old chat logs. I was reading through it and didn't really remember talking the way I did during those chats. Which then got me thinking and I decided to look up the logs from my chats with her.

I found out that I was a complete jackass at times and at other you could even call me a douchebag. I must not have noticed it when I was writing it because I've always striven to be a good person. I must admit that there were strangely mixed feelings when I read this. At first I wondered how I could ever have acted the way that I did, it disgusted me a bit. I then tried to reason with myself, "oh, these are only the chat logs, maybe I made up for it with what I was saying(the logs were on skype)" or I thought to blame the fact that I had crappy internet at the time. But then, as I rode to the store to get some ingredients for dinner I had a bit of time to think to myself.

And that's when it hit me.

I was a jackass then.

However, I like to think that with her help I've grown to be a better person. Recalling then, I find myself being more empathetic than I was then(and before then while I was living in the place I never should have left). I find myself thinking that things that I saw as acceptable, and maybe even entertaining then are no longer things that can be laughed off as easily. Maybe I'm becoming more of a serious person, actually starting to grow up, or maybe I'm just finally beginning to be able to see things from other people's point of view. Either way I feel that it's progress and I'm happy that it's happening. I sincerely hope that it continues(but not to the point that I start becoming easily offended) and I feel that she's gonna be a major factor in that development, which makes me very happy.