Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It's not love if they don't have the patience to wait for you.

It's not love if they make you feel like a worthless piece of shit.

It's not love if they don't try and understand the situation and immediately jump to the worst conclusions.

It's not love if they say that they're better than you, so they get to do what they want and decide what you get to do.

It's not love if they cuss at you constantly when they are upset with the situation.

It's not love when they say that they're worried about being with you because of how it will affect them.

It's not love if they can go from happy to never wanting to talk to you in a span of a few hours.

It's not love if they hold mistakes from years ago over your head today.

It's not love if they demonize you at every turn and never want to listen to your side of the story.

It's not love if they're not willing to work at resolving differences.

It's not love if they don't trust you, and don't want to.

It's not love if they don't hope for the best.

It's not love if they tell you it won't last long, and plan to end it themselves.

depression

I haven't been depressed in a long time and I was recently starting to get really good at motivating myself to do stuff. But with the way things have been going recently it's starting to look like the beginning of a very deep downward spiral.

Maybe a nap would help...

Unleash the angst

I never really had my angsty teenage years, perhaps because I was never in a relationship when I was in my teens. I keep running into the fact that relationships are tiring, especially long distance ones. I love it because time flies, but I also hate it for the same reason. Sometimes I worry that I'm already too far behind in life, and that being in a relationship is not helping me get anywhere faster. I worry that if I invest in this and it doesn't work out then the time might be wasted. But I'm willing to take that risk because I know that the benefits of it working out far outweigh the risk of it failing.

I don't know if that would be called angst, or just simple worrying about the future. I guess it must be more about the future than angst, because I find that I'm generally happy most of the time(unless I'm in the middle of a fight/tiff).

On another tangent I've noticed a serious case of senioritis setting in. I find myself spacing out in class, getting distracted with my translator, and not having any real will to do my homework. I know I should be putting more effort into school because of the whole "post graduate is the new graduate" idea that seems to be gaining popularity. I'm so done with school, I've already been at it for 6 years and now all I have to show for it is a degree that might not be useful at all. I sometimes wish I had just buckled down and stuck to the CS major, but whenever I do I always think that if I had done that things wouldn't be the way they are now, I'd be a different person, and I might be generally unhappy like I was before. But who knows, maybe there was a path that I could have taken that would have gotten me happiness and a stable financial situation.

Speaking of finances, I think that's the main reason that I'm worried about the future, and it's not even just my finances. I really wish that I had something that I could do, the house market still seems to be going down, so it's not time to put money into that yet, but I know that that is something I should definitely consider when it becomes viable again. I always talk to people who seem to have a lot of money and don't know what to do with it, and when I ask them what they do for a living they always say "I've got a couple of houses that I collect rent on" and that's it. They just buy a house with a loan, rent the house to someone to let them pay off the loan, and then start collecting money on the house 20 years down the line when they don't have to pay the house off anymore. Only problem is that you need to have a good amount of credit to do that, and I don't have that right now as far as I know. It's kinda like a catch-22 of financial hacks, you can make a lot of money doing nothing, but you have to have a lot of money in order to be able to start that.

I need to win the lottery.

Progress

So today I was searching for something on my computer with google desktop search(awesome btw) and it brought up some old chat logs. I was reading through it and didn't really remember talking the way I did during those chats. Which then got me thinking and I decided to look up the logs from my chats with her.

I found out that I was a complete jackass at times and at other you could even call me a douchebag. I must not have noticed it when I was writing it because I've always striven to be a good person. I must admit that there were strangely mixed feelings when I read this. At first I wondered how I could ever have acted the way that I did, it disgusted me a bit. I then tried to reason with myself, "oh, these are only the chat logs, maybe I made up for it with what I was saying(the logs were on skype)" or I thought to blame the fact that I had crappy internet at the time. But then, as I rode to the store to get some ingredients for dinner I had a bit of time to think to myself.

And that's when it hit me.

I was a jackass then.

However, I like to think that with her help I've grown to be a better person. Recalling then, I find myself being more empathetic than I was then(and before then while I was living in the place I never should have left). I find myself thinking that things that I saw as acceptable, and maybe even entertaining then are no longer things that can be laughed off as easily. Maybe I'm becoming more of a serious person, actually starting to grow up, or maybe I'm just finally beginning to be able to see things from other people's point of view. Either way I feel that it's progress and I'm happy that it's happening. I sincerely hope that it continues(but not to the point that I start becoming easily offended) and I feel that she's gonna be a major factor in that development, which makes me very happy.

The bliss of ignorance

I sometimes wonder, would I be happier if I knew less? For example, if I had not found out about Japanese, and had had no choice but to push through for a computer science major, would I be happier now? If I hadn't met her would I be happier here because I wouldn't be torn between something safe and something I want? If that friend hadn't told me about that show, would I be better off now than I am?

Mastery

"It’s an oft-quoted truism in books on learning and productivity that it takes 10,000 hours to achieve true mastery in any skill, from composing symphonies to playing tennis."

10,000 hours sounds like a lot of time. Let's say you're in college, taking 16 units per quarter. 16 hours a week of studying in class plus maybe another 8 outside of class. That leaves you at 24 hours a week. Let's estimate and say that you're in school for 40 weeks a year, giving you 3 months of vacation. After 5 years of school, you're still only half way to becoming a master of taking college courses, and that's assuming that you stayed in the same school and took generally the same kind of classes for 5 years straight. On top of that, it's only mastery of taking those classes. Those classes are almost definitely varied in subject and more so in focus, so you're probably not even anywhere near a novice(2000 hours) at any particular skill that you've touched upon.

We could also look at the example of a martial art. Assuming you're a real go getter and actually have the time to put in a full hour of practice each day, it's still going to take you 42 years to master something. If you start when you're 20, you won't have the art mastered until you're over 60, and by then you most likely wont have the physical ability to practice the art..

I don't know what the point of this post is, just something that came to mind and upset me a bit, but now that I think about it, I guess that this must be the reason that I never really feel comfortable saying that I'm good at anything. And even if I have a general knowledge of lots of things, I would still say that I'm not even a Jack of All Trades, I'm more like a 10 of all trades at best, probably more like a 5 or 8...

She says that she loves me, but she constantly thinks I either am or want to cheat on her.

She says that she loves me, but she says that she has nothing but bad memories.

She says that she loves me, but she makes me feel like I'm a complete asshole.

She says that she loves me, but she doesn't seem to enjoy talking to me.

If she really loves me, why can't she trust me enough to forgive me...

A full day off

I found that today I was far more productive than usual. I'm not sure why this is, I have a strong feeling that it is because I finally had a full day off. Today I managed to not only get all my exercise done before 12; I also managed to clean my room, make a nice breakfast, and spend a little time on a project that I've wanted to work on. I also managed to make it to my tutoring session a little bit early. However unfortunately my student caught me early and so I had to start my lesson 10 minutes earlier than I'd wanted. Today we also had a little bit later than right on the hour, so I ended up giving him 15 minutes for free. But it's all good because I know that a couple times I've skipped out early on lessons so I guess this just makes up for it.

After lesson I had about an hour and a half to kill, so I decided to wander around the little den den town nearby teramachi. I was also wondering if my dad was talking about teramachi, so I took a of it. Because apparently, teramachi was at one point a computer district. Anyways, I went down to the little toy store, bought my dad some little cars for his train set, but I'm not sure if he's going to use them because he hasn't worked on his train set in a while.

Eventually Robert texted me and we ended up meeting up. We wandered around the little den den town looking for a place that repairs hard drives, because my hard drive recently quit on me, and I was thinking that a professional might have better luck than I did. However, unfortunately, even the professionals told me that I would have to send the hard drive back to the manufacturer in order to fix the problem. I don't think sending the hard drive back would fix any problems because they wouldn't even attempt to recover the data, and I'm sure that a simple format would fix the problem.

We ended up running out of stuff to do and we got to the place for the party early. So we decided to take a walk and show each other places that we had talked about in class. By the time we made it back people had started gathering so we stood outside for a while. Eventually just about everyone showed up but we were missing one or two people so we had to wait a bit longer. After about five minutes after the scheduled meet up time we decided to go is in without them. When we got inside all the other people showed up within five minutes. I got to sit right next to my sensei so conversation was a little bit awkward.

Food was really good, and I had a couple gin and tonics. I even tried some sea cucumber which tasted really odd. It really doesn't have any sort of fishy taste, has a consistency like the octopus, and a subtle hint of sourness

Conversations were all pretty basic, just people asking about what others were planning to do over the break. That is, until Frankie got a picture sent from his girlfriend of her grandma in the bathtub. He had no clue why and neither did anybody else. Eventually Robert got a little drunk and started blathering about anything he could think of.

We were coming to the end of the party so it was time to order some desserts. There are two ice creams on the menu so I decided to try them both. The first was just a normal ice cream, but the other was ice cream instead of a cream puff. This actually reminds me, at the beginning of the party there were crackers with whipped cream and chocolate syrup on them which were really tasty. Anyways, the cream puff ice creams were really tasty so I decided to order two more plates.

After the party was over everyone was standing outside and the conversations were dull so I left. I thought about texting everyone else, but I figured they either weren't out, or they were already very drunk, or planning to go to a club. So I decided to just go home.

It is extremely cold, but I was lucky enough to have the foresight to be carrying two hot packs. I put the hot packs in my gloves and biked home. On the way, I saw a bunch of egg cartons so I picked them up (I am making soundproofing for my room).

When I got home, nobody was around so I just went into my room and went to sleep.

I don't know why, but I woke up around 3 AM to see that she thought I was still out. I got to talk to her but her Internet was out and she was at the library, so I didn't get to see her face.

It upsets me that she assumed that since I didn't answer her texts at 1:45 and 2:30 AM, then it must mean that I was still out drinking, even though she could see that the party I was going to ended at nine. It's little things like that that make me feel like she doesn't trust me.

This is actually really cool, because I wrote this entire post using dictation software.

Despite your fears not everyone falls for me like you did.

Bad Person

I am a bad person, it's simple as that.

When I was younger I swore to an oath at least once a week.

I've broken the first two points of that oath.

Everything I thought was good about myself was apparently a lie.

If I could do something like I did to someone like that what does that make me other than a bad person.

I'll understand perfectly if this goes ends up in a certain way.

This is probably the last post, as there will be no meaning without Her...

Buns of Steel!

Just a short update for now(still have to study for tomorrow's final before She gets up).

Interesting day today, on my walk the 雰囲気(funiki) of the area reminded me of why I had fallen in love with this country the first time. Although I now have no plans to stay here(one winter was enough, and I miss my protein, among other necessities that are only in the US(Her)) I had a glimpse of what it was like when I made my plan. I seriously think that it has a lot to do with the fact that today was a good day at school. I was reminded of when I just started in Japanese, and I was learning something new every day, along with being challenged just a bit by all the tests. The fact that I didn't have to haul my heavy legs around town on a rickety bike probably also added to it. Oh, and I was an alpha today, I think I can keep it up, if I just stop giving a shit about being accepted by the people around me, and just do what I want to do, not what we or they want to do.

Anyways, to the topic of the post, while farting around on the internet procrastinating my time away I came across something that might actually be useful. It's called traineo and although I'm not sure if it's going to actually work for me(I'm pretty sure it's based on losing weight, and I'm trying to go from 175-180) I still think it'll be nice if I can track my progress. Aaaannnnyways, while clicking around on the site I came across an interesting post called "100 push-ups". There's a fitness test for my new plan and it requires 60+ push-ups to gain the rank of upper echelon, which I usually want. Because of that I was captivated and brought to a site that had a program to be doing 100 push-ups non-stop in 6 weeks. Unfortunately I only have 4 weeks until I get a chance at him*, and I have to be able to complete the challenge. This made me a little upset, until I found that due to my current state of fitness, I can skip half the program. So I am now on a course to be doing 100 push-ups non-stop(which I've never been able to do before). Also, on the site was a program for 200 sit-ups(once again, useful for the test), which I've already started, once again on week 3 rather than 1. Finally, being hyped up from my chocolate dinner, I found the section on 200 squats. The basic requirement(to skip half) is 30 and to me that seemed like a joke. So I decided to perform their "fitness test" to see where I should start, and found that I can already do 200 squats, and probably a lot more, before getting really tired(note: after 200 I was short of breath, and my heart was beating, but my muscles were nowhere near ready to quit like with the other exercises). So now my weekly plan is sit-up training 3 days a week(MWF); push-up training 3 days a week(STT); and on the final day(S), at least 200 crunches(I lernd semicolens to!!1).

*Note on him: I know that there is no reason to believe it's true, but for some reason when She was talking to him it reminded me of when the one who's better than me was talking to the nerd. I really need to get this under control, because if it goes down again like last time I will never be able to get out of the stump, but my gut just hates all of them that make Her get that look on Her face, especially when they talk like that...

Japanese(Yay!!): 雰囲気(ふんいき/funiki) this one has a tricky spelling, and it's always hard to get it out on the computer correctly the first time. It means "atmosphere" and the reason that it came up was because it was on my test this morning, so I still had down to the stroke order for all the kanji fresh in my head while writing this, and it just happened to pop up before the English equivalent. Also, it probably has something to do with my essay that I used to get into this school.

Reboot

Apparently my reader(s) are demanding that I continue my blog, so more monotony for the world, YAY. Today started out not so great, woke up in the morning and half slept through my 1 hr buffer time only to have a tiff with the g.f. before heading off to school. I couldn't concentrate in class, and at first I thought it might be because I was tired, but I also kept thinking of the argument. While half listening to prep questions for my oral final next week and playing peggle on my ipod I came across a solution that would make me happy, and I figured that if she truly loved me she would come back with the right response. Of course, she always knows what to say so just a couple words in a text immediately changed my outlook for the day.

I then went through the tediousness of class and ran into some old friends from the place I shouldn't have ever left and made half plans to hang out with them again soon. Unfortunately they're both of the opposite gender and I am still trying to find partners for man dates so I'm hoping I can get them to introduce me to their boyfriends, or some other male friends that they have.

After eating lunch I headed downtown to meet up with my student with the apparent speech impediment for what I though was going to be a long session. I got there about 40 minutes early and decided to check out the electrical district that was hidden just beyond a place I frequent. When I got there I stumbled upon a store that I thought didn't exist in Kyoto, and picked up some materials for a project that I hope to start with the help of the electro-geeks in my family.

In the middle of my nerd hunt I got a call from the SIS stating that he wanted me to meet him at the restaurant where we normally do our sessions instead of a 20 minute walk away, so my day got a little bit better. It only improved from there as I got to the restaurant and found him in a suit with a large bag that looked like travel. I then found out that he was going to cut our normal 4 hr session short to 2 hrs(woohoo!) which meant that I now had time to grab that ring I saw on the way down, and finish my nerd hunt.

On the way back I ran into a hidden 100 yen and grabbed a couple more things(cheese grater & tape cutter) because I seem to be defenseless against the idea that you can get something that's useful for only 100 yen.

On the way home I discovered a new way to tie my scarf that makes it extremely easy to tighten/adjust so that I never have to worry about stopping to fix it while riding again. I finally got home and decided to try on the ring(stupid me for not trying it on before buying) to find that it doesn't fit exactly right, but it's good enough for now, and I may have found out how to resize it myself.

After doing a little internet research I lazed around for a while before finishing up my homework due by the end of the night, but have yet to make any progress on the essay(motivation:fail).

I think I may have found the perfect way to cook chicken, with a nice mix of ponzu sauce, garlic, paprika, and pepper that burns into a nice black ooze that then seeps into the chicken to give it a very strong flavor all throughout.

On another note, spending all my time writing essays in Japanese and not getting enough practice with my English finally seems to be affecting my spelling. I found my self writing "works saited" when trying to make a note on a new word I learned. At first I thought to myself "silly Kevin, that 'ai' sound is simply an 'i', I can't believe I messed up something so simple" before looking at the word again and noticing that "cited" is spelled with a 'c', silly English(almost wrote inglish) and your spelling rules(rools).

Catch Up

It seems I may be back into the flow of things, my last post was only a little bit ago, and I haven't accomplished much since. I did manage to get an outline for my essay, but that didn't take much time, and I don't feel very accomplished because of it. One thing that I did enjoy however was my dinner. I made the hard boiled egg salad, which turned out to be acceptable but not amazing. However, the thing that I really liked was the chicken. I don't.... guhhh, how could anyone read this and not be bored, posts will be limited now to when something interesting happens...

Failure to Plan

Yesterday was basically another complete failure. I thought that the first night was bound to be a failure because I started at 9:40 and only gave myself until 12:00, but there was no reason for such a failure the next day.

It all started out ok, waking up only 15 minutes late into the schedule that I had given myself an extra hour on, but it all went (mostly) downhill from there. During class I was horribly tired, and although I had resolved to be a better student I found myself getting distracted by random thoughts and my Ipod. After class I went to the friend who I thought would have the paper, but found that she didn't so I went home and took a nap between classes. I felt bad because that's the only time I get to talk to Her, and I wasted it all on a stupid nap. I then went to the class, which wasn't much of a failure, actually a bit of a success. However, the class seemed kind of useless as it was just a reading about crazy old Japanese horror stories of what would happen if you were a bad wife. After the class I decided to try and swing by the paper holder's place to get it, but after "searching everywhere" for it she couldn't find it so I went back home after sitting in the cold outside waiting and hoping for something to help me with my report.

When I got home I began to pull the report out of thin air before discovering google scholar, which would have been useful to have before. I finally finished the report and had eaten dinner while writing it. I attempted to start working out, but my muscles hurt too much and I was too tired to finish even 5 minutes of yoga style exercises.

I was about to go to sleep when she brought up a fear that I had previously had, but I just buried down inside like everything else so that I can sleep. Of course, because it was now apparent to me I spent the better half of 2 hrs trying to find a solution. Not being able to find anything and not being able to sleep with it on my mind I decided watch TV to get my mind off it. However, the problem with internet TV is that what you want to watch is always on, so I got sucked into it and stayed up until 5. I then attempted to try and sleep but that never actually came about.

Drifted in and out of sleep while having weird dreams about people complaining about having to tutor multiple people at once so they can't sleep. I also noticed that my next door neighbor seemed to also have a sleepless night(I can see his light on through the wall).

I then tore myself out of bed because I had already skipped one lecture(the most boring of them all, and apparently was completely useless today as well) and I like the teacher from my second lecture. After that I went to lunch and got the odd combo of gyoza ramen(doesn't really work 'cause the gyoza gets all soggy in the soup). The next class was basically the same as always, the teacher kinda amazed me by the fact that he was able to perfectly finish a lesson without having to start the next(last day of classes). The final class was quite scary, as I had just turned in a report that I know I didn't write too well. I had thought that the teacher wouldn't really care about how well the report was written, but when I turned it in she started asking questions about what I had meant to say, apparently my Japanese is that bad. We were asked to write about a couple things from over the semester that had left an impression on us, and while looking for stuff to write about I came across the paper that I couldn't find the night before.

Finally finished the day, 1 day closer to going back to where I never should have left. From now I'm going to try and get started on one of my last 2 essays, hopefully get it cranked out either by tonight or tomorrow. With the whole not sleeping thing I really doubt I'm going to get the energy/motivation to work out tonight, which is quite disappointing. However, I do plan on heading over to the gym tomorrow and actually doing some real weight, so that maybe I can gain some body mass back.

Dinner tonight will probably be hard boiled egg salad, thought I've seen it in a restaurant before so I don't think it could turn out too horrible, and if it does, I have backup curry udon.

Day 2

Slept in a bit past my alarm(15 mins). But I still like the extra time that I've gained by waking up a bit earlier. I didn't sleep so well last night, not sure exactly why, but I do remember that whenever I woke up I was thinking about things that I could write in my essay(and noticing the fact that she wasn't there), so at least I made some progress while I was missing out on my sleep. I'd like to take a nap between classes today, but in all reality that probably won't happen.

So today's goals are:

Make sure to ask WG3 to borrow the paper that I needed to write my essay, and try and get it done before 8:00.

Larger dinner(starting at 9:00 at the latest)

20 min workout(immediately after food)

And, if I have time, to start on the other essay(due in 9 days)

Theory vs. Reality

Wow, what a complete failure today was. After finishing the first post I got distracted trying to sign up for adsense on my blog(as you can tell, I got it working).

Once I got it working(4 minutes before my self set time limit of 9:45) I went to make dinner, which actually turned out ok, but the first part of the meal(gyoza) took far longer than I had suspected. Because the rice was taking a while to cook, I decided to try and get a head start on my essay and finish it after I had eaten/worked out/showered.

However, in order to write the essay I had to find a sheet of paper that had an outline of the topic that I was planning to use, and some ideas that I could jump start the essay with. I spent about 1 hr looking for the essay, shuffling through papers and came up with nothing. As I finally decided to give up(after considering changing the topic and even doing a minimal amount of research for the other topic) I remembered my rice in the cooker.

I went and got it and ate it while listening to music, because stressing over an essay while eating late at night just doesn't sound like a good idea. I'm not sure exactly when I finish eating, however, I did move straight on to the workout when I was finished.

Which brings us to another failure. After 16 minutes of actually working out (plus 10 minutes of reconfiguring my room and rigging a barbell out of things in my room) I was out of exercises that I could do, I had already run through most of the exercises that I knew I could do with minimal equipment and limited space in my room, all the muscles that were necessary to continue those exercises were not going to be doing much more.

While working out I noticed that I must be somewhat malnourished. My arm are fare smaller than I remember and I was getting warn out after far too little work. This thought occurred to me again in the shower when I saw that my legs were also smaller than I remember.

Good things that came out of the situation however were that I did have a proper dinner tonight, and I did manage to clean up after myself.

As it's now 12:20 I am going to sleep, because I plan on waking up at 7:00 tomorrow and I should be getting ~7 hours of sleep if I want to be in working condition tomorrow.

Also, I didn't get around to reviewing social interactions today(I did a bit of it on my bike to go get food for dinner, but not throughly) I don't have any reactions to post. However with the small amount of review that I did get, I think that I'm OK for today. I didn't really have any intense social interactions with anyone, except JM1, but I don't believe that could be seen as a mistake on my part, much more on his.

Below is just a summary of today's results I guess you could say, just for my own sake.

1/18

chocopan 1

katudon 1

-egg

-tonkatu

-shichimi ~1g

-rice 150g

gyoza 21 pcs

rice 450g

kagome tonkatu 10g

shirodashi 10g

salt ~1g

water 1c + 1 1/2 bottle

workout(16:23)

200 crunches

40 weighted bag curls

40 pushups

10 incline pushups

20 leg lifts

motivation: fail(0%)

workout: barely passing (75%)

review: fail(50%)

The beginning

I've recently come to understand that I am not as good of a person as I had previously thought. They always say "ignorance is bliss", however the problem with that is that as soon as you are lifted out of the bliss of ignorance by someone who is kind enough to tell you what's really going on, you feel the exact opposite of that bliss. That bliss itself makes you feel horrible because not only was what you believed wrong, but you were so ignorant that you accepted that bliss and took pleasure in it.

The things I need to improve upon are many, but for starters I think I'm going to try and get rid of my slight Asperger Syndrome. The realization of this problem was the pivotal thought that began the idea of improving myself. I've actually noticed this problem before but I always just accepted it as a part of myself that I would not be able to improve. However, I've recently gained a new relation that has changed many of the ways I think. With this person around I no longer feel that I have to accept the world as it is, or myself as I am. I have found out that as long as she is behind me, cheering me, and sometimes correcting me, I get the feeling that I can do almost anything. It's like when I was a kid and I would watch karate movies and I'd leave the theater/couch/car(drive-in theaters ruled) believing that I possessed the ability to do flips while kicking a box that I had just bounced off some bad guy's face. With this person around me I feel like that all the time, I see her and wish that I had the same traits and the same courage. I don't know what caused this fault to develop in me, but I know that it is not something I like. I don't like it when people have a way to knock me down a peg, and I especially don't like it when that weakness is something that I could have avoided if I tried a little bit harder.

The idea of trying harder brings another point to my mind. I find that when I'm near someone that I care about I always get sleepy and just want to give in. However, when I'm not around anyone that I care about I'm overly energetic and I usually can't fall asleep when I should. Perhaps if I start working on improving myself I won't get so tired around those that I'm always trying to impress and I'll be the person I am around them even when I'm alone, wearing me out enough that I will have normal amounts of energy.

Another thing that I want to work on is my motivation. As it stands I am a horribly lazy person. If an essay is due in 3 days I will wait until 2 days from now to do it. I know that if I did it today, I would feel more relieved, and I wouldn't get upset with situations as easily. However, whenever it comes down to it, I always start to put things off till the last moment.

For now my final fault that I see with myself is my physical inabilities. I believe I can remedy this simply by training more than I do currently(once a week at best)

The internet says that if you do something every day for 30 days it will become a habit, whether good or bad. I think if I make an effort to address these problems I see in myself every day for the next month I will be able to start on the path to becoming a better person overall. However, lifting my hin will probably reveal more "blissful ignorance" to me and it may become hard, but that is the reason for this blog. By writing in it every day, and having it as something that everyone can see with a simple google search about me, I believe that I can gain the motivation that I lack in myself from outside sources.

I am going to treat this as a scientific experiment as I've always found that science is one of the few things in which I've never lost interest.

Therefore, summing up, things that I plan to do every day for the next 30 days are:

-work out for at least 20 minutes

-review my social interactions from the day so that I can see if I made a mistake

-do one thing that I had planned to do tomorrow, or "some other day"

To start off for today(because saying "I'll start tomorrow" will only lead to it not being done) I will: work out for 20 minutes(using a timer so I don't cheat myself) immediately after eating and doing my dishes; write the essay that is due in 2 days, even though I have plenty of time to do it tomorrow; and review my social interactions. I will then post how it has gone at the end of the day so that I will force myself to account for my actions, and I will be able to see myself from an outside view in order to discourage complacency.

On another note, if you are actually reading this blog and you've started from the beginning, then you should know that I sometimes feel words from another language(most likely Japanese) sometimes work better than an English word, or I may sometimes be in a thought process and a Japanese word may pop up that just fits better at the moment. In any case I will go through my post afterward and leave a description of what I meant at the end.

For today's post I used the word hin(品). I'm not sure if I am completely correct in my usage of the word, but to me it means something along the lines of quality. When I looked up the word in my dictionary, the first example sentence translated from 「彼は品がない。」(kare ha hin ga nai) to "He is a common sort of man." It actually kind of amazed me that the dictionary described the concept almost exactly as I was thinking it(I never learned that specific word, just other words that used that kanji). In that sentence, I was referring to the fact that I do not want to be just a normal person, I want to be something more, something that people can not easily attack, and I want to be someone that others can look up to and find inspiration in.

So now I'm off to make dinner and hopefully begin the path of becoming something more.